3 IN SEARCH OF FREEDOM


IN SEARCH OF FREEDOM

             Today I understand life as an evolution, we are the actors of our own evolution, under the script of a strict mathematical order, therefore so many things we feel, we live and do at certain ages, are implicit in that order. As far as my 21 years allowed, my need to launch myself and conquer of myself was not an option, it was within of the natural order of evolution.

       We may know it or not, accept it or resist understanding it, but life was there before us and will remain there after us, with their times, with their rules. Maturity is part of evolution and requires cutting comfortable ties, if we don't cut such ties, life will do it for us, because revealing our unique essence, our individuality, is the only way.

Each stage of growth entails some destruction, destruction of what we thought we were, cutting off a relationship, a way of life. It places us in the precise circumstances so that the life goes through us and if we resist, you'll find a way to move on, through us or in spite of us.

Romain Rolland, a French writer who woke up my heroic spirit in my early youth wrote:

“...we do not choose, it is our destiny that chooses and it is sensible to show we are in dignity of its choice ..."

I think that perhaps the only thing we can decide is the dignity with which we are facing life. And making use of that benefit is not for weak personalities.

I had to take a step, I had to get out of my comfort zone, stop covering myself under my mother's wings and learn to spread my own wings. We both resist and we are dragged into the most difficult struggle that cost us at least two years of estrangement.

When Uranus made opposition to my stellium in Cancer, that is to say three planets together, in the house of the home, its influence intensified my problems with my mother, because I felt that I wanted to control my life, and they became unbearable, by the force of a pressure from Uranus, these sentiments burst, and I was expelled from family comfort, in the typical way that this planet does when we want to avoid it: suddenly, breaking restrictions and ignoring all losses. A day, after a very unpleasant discussion, I took my son with one hand, the indispensable things I could hold with the other, and just like that I abandoned the family shelter; using the influence of Uranus opposite to my ascendant.

Saturn, benevolently, sent me the necessary financial resources to support my son and myself, in an unusual way: I picked five numbers of six in the local sports lottery. The money I won was enough to survive until I was employed as a secretary in a bank.

Once settled, I went back to my study of the planets, which I shared with the one that was my partner and father of my two youngest children. 

I made use of my first credit card to buy the ephemeris and house tables books needed, to calculate and draw an astral chart, and also a tutoring book on astrology. 

There were not that many books available at that time, they had to be searched in specialized bookstores and they were not easy to find; arduous task that tempered and increased my desire to study astrology.

As I could, I remembered the necessary steps to calculate a chart and undertook the road again. I looked for teacher Lupita's grandson, like me, he was still searching and studying. He didn't have access to his grandmother's library and didn't have much information to share. So we only went for coffee and talk about her grandmother. I apologized for not attending her funeral. That day, I didn't answer his phone call to let me know, judging by the hour; three o'clock in the morning, which was one of those calls made by some frustrated pervert.  Soon later, we lost contact.

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