4 TO TAKE THE REINS.

I continued studying Astrology on my own. To resume from the beginning, I decided to calculate and draw my own astral map chart. I looked for my birth time in my certificate and started with the numbers on record. A decisive surprise, a regret died inside me and a certainty was born. My mother told me that it was of ascending Aries, and the new calculation, threw Pisces. Two signs of very different characteristics. During the time I believed it was from Aries, I came to think that I was completely traumatized because I couldn't be as active, nor as intrepid as an Aries, but when I realized that there was an error in the first calculation, I was able to reconcile with my Pisces ascending sign of a calmer and more sensitive nature.

What was the mistake?  To trust her memory. My mother did not verify my birth time from my birth record, she trusted her memory, however, I was her ninth birth and obviously she wasn’t sure. I am positive such unintended error was an important part of my development. 

This episode of my life taught me that nothing can be determined, even in Astrology, not even in life. It is our obligation to review, analyze and understand our information even when offered by any technical or professional, applying our own knowledge, common sense and accurate observations.

Thanks to the intervention of a great family friend, Emma, who arranged a meet between my mother and me, we conciliated almost two years after the last discussion. She arranged an appointment at my mother's house; we talked a lot and caught up with our lives. When she learned that I followed the path of Astrology, she asked me to take her to a book store in downtown Coyoacán, because she wanted to buy me a book. We arrived at a new esoteric bookstore called “Nalanda”, as soon as we entered she went to the Astrology section. I was standing in the hallway close to the window of the small bookstore filled with the smell of incense, with Enya's music, "Shepherd Moons" (pastoral moons), playing in the background and from the skylight of a big window, I felt the sunlight falling in a soft diagonal line covering my ankles and my feet imprisoned by high heels. My mother, bathed completely by the same light, in front of the bookcase that occupied the entire wall, following with her head and the tip of her finger that caressed the books, scanning one by one, when she found the right one, she pulled it out and with ease, passed it to her left hand, as a relay track race, and then she put these in my hands. I dressed my navy blue suit, and with my outstretched arms, receiving book by book one at a time. With the weight of each astrological work, I received the connection of thought and the results of the work of great astrologers. To the fourth volume, my heart beat went from a slow jog to a tachycardia, my breathing stopped a few seconds, long enough for my mind to understand what was going on, when in tune again, I opened my mouth to take a deep breath, my shoulders rose with the inhale and with the same deep aspiration Astrology was possessing me.

The books I received that day were of a different line than the one Lupita taught me. A new astrological vision illuminated me, one that determines nothing, but one that takes in account the human being, will, responsibility and free will including those psychological processes typical of the current culture. The one you can predict and forecast, but not presume, or determine any fact, because instead of placing ourselves in a helpless position in front of external circumstances, according to the planets, it makes us participants and responsible for the dynamics we live in considering ourselves a manifestation of an instant in the universe.

The planetary influences are there, latent, and have many possibilities of manifestation according to each individual. We are all under this influence, but not everyone will react in the same way, in addition the universe and its order accept mutations, new possibilities, which can be generated in consciousness.

I could have kept my pride up and not met my mother. Or reject the books she gave me, or accept them and forget about them, or many other possibilities. She could have refuse the reconciliation proposal, then maybe I would be busy today in other endeavors, perhaps, in another astrological path. But happened this way, and the existential paradox that I have not been able to reconcile for many years, is to have the certainty that it is my destiny and so it had to happen, or I would have to ask it by extending my arms towards the light.

Humans have dedicated many hours of life to reflect on destiny.  Whether it is something that is already written, then why worry? What if everyone works their own destiny, then you have to deal with it. 

With so many spiritual adventures that I traveled from my mother's womb, my reflection on destiny, intimately personal, is that destiny exists, is determined, but not individually, but as part of the Totality willing to manifest in a certain way. Each one of us has the right to choose, if you want to be part of an experience: of life itself being lived by millions of consciences, with free will, that intermingled, will make the destiny of life result. That is, for what the universe dictates to manifest, it requires individuals who have within himself a powerful desire that leads them to use their free will to put themselves in the space of time where the Totality manifests through them. This is required it is essential that the individual, in addition to wishing it, asks for it. 

My soul somehow asked to participate in astrological knowledge, with my curiosity, interest and will, I didn't get out of the way and it was granted to me, through the woman who risked her life, with a ninth pregnancy after five children killed by preeclampsia, I was born in the hospital corridor when my mother expected to enter the operating room for a caesarean section, that was the first manifestation of Uranus opposed to my Ascendant, the First time I was expelled from an environment that imprisons me. 

My mother did not cook for me, nor she knit sweaters, nor took care of my young, nor did she even have the patience to teach me, she, as a good Sagittarius, fed me with books, Mantrams, gurus, philosophy, pushed me into the adventure of life, although later she complained that my "adventures" went beyond what she thought fit. I looked after my internal development showing me what she had served. We had, like every mother and daughter, many conflicts, years of differences and coincidences.

Sometimes, instead of working, we used to drop my little Aries at school and we headed to the bus terminal south of Mexico city and took the first bus to the small village of Tepoztlan, Morelos so we climb the mountain ridge through unauthorized places, slide, fall, get muddy, meditate, eat at the market and return to arrive on time to pick my son from school. More than just hikes or getaways, these were real Mystical-gastronomic adventures.

Maybe because of family loyalty, maybe because it's my destiny, maybe because I wanted to, or by the whims of life, or by my own whims, I never gave up the Jupiterian tendency of my mother, who in search for the truth took us on many paths, spiritual disciplines, little traveled paths, deaths of ideas and rebirths of life during decades. 

A few months after the reunion with my mother, Jupiter himself, Zeus for Greeks, the one who expands, that drives to cross borders and grow internally through the knowledge, in his transit opposed the Sun in the house of the home, where the most important male figures, faced me with the death of my father, whom I sought when I left my mother's house and had not seen in years, but we kept in touch with through letters. I also moved to another city under the shelter of the bank where I was employed. But nothing went as expected as Jupiter expands everything that already exists. And I had no idea what existed within me.